Convicted...again

So I woke up this morning and thought it was going to be a great day, but then I heard some news and BAM my jealous heart was at it again. I really wish I could control this thing, because I don't WANT to be jealous of people but it happens. It creeps into your mind and eats away at your mind and heart. I texted a friend and told her the news and I was sure she was going to respond with "oh yeah that sucks" and give me some pep talk to make me feel wonderful again. And at this point I wasn't even thinking about my heart. I just wanted someone to be on my side and basically to tell me it was okay to be jealous. Well, you know what she said..."Oh man. How is your heart?" Ouch. Thank Jesus for friends who are willing to be honest with me. I adore this girl and her precious heart and just a side note want to tell her thank you for spurring me in my relationship with the Lord today.

So, anyways I checked my heart and responded to her that yes my heart was jealous and I needed to spend some time with the Lord. She responded "that's a good idea. Jesus knows your heart. go talk to him." (she always knows what to say :) So this lead to my hour long quite time with the lord this morning. WHICH another incredible side not: at church on Sunday Pastor Robbie preached about prayer and how it can change your life. He encouraged everyone to start praying for an hour a day and literally cry out to God. At church, I thought "oh that's a nice idea, but I don't know if I can pray for an hour, maybe I'll try 30 minutes." Oh ye of little faith. Jesus knew what he was doing today when I got this news. He wants me to pray for an hour a day. I prayed for an hour today and could have kept going. It was so refreshing and just what I needed.. If I can watch t.v. or be on facebook for more than an hour, I can spend some time talking to my best friend for an hour, AT LEAST!

As I was praying Psalms 51:10 came into my mind. It says " Create in me a pure heart, O Lord and renew a steadfast spirit within me." How incredible is that verse. I have probably read it a hundred times it never really sunk in until today. Lord, give me a PURE heart. I want my heart to be wiped clean of this jealousy that consumes me. I want the lord to transform my heart and make it like his. I want him to take away the jealousy and in place of it fill me with compassion, forgiveness, acceptability, love, joy, kindness, faithfulness, peace, contentment, and generosity. I want to live, move, and breath for Christ. The second part of this verse also spoke to me today: renew a steadfast spirit within me. I have been in a valley for a while, not spending time with the Lord and feeling just drained. After my time with the lord today I saw what I have been missing out on. The Lord poured into me today and I know that if I keep doing this steadfastly I will feel that passion again. The same friend I spoke about earlier once told me "I want to desire Christ more than I desire marriage, more than I desire anything else in life and I am just not there yet." Well friend neither am I. I desire a lot of things more than I desire God right now. And this morning I got a little taste of how good it feels to desire God and it is WAY better than any other desire. I want to desire his word and his truth over anything else. I think I will get there, if I keep having more days like today.

The rough start of my morning turned my day into a GREAT day!! Not that this was a real trial or tribulation, but it was my own little hurdle and I think that God gives us these hurdles to jump over so we can draw closer to him on the other side. If your life is going perfect, you find that you need God less and less. And I don't ever want to need God less. So for now, I will rejoice in my sufferings because "my comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life." Not only did I spend time with my abba father, I got to lay by the pool, went to a ZUMBA class, which kicked my butt, and I went to my weight watchers meeting and guess what?? I love 2.4 pounds this week! woot woot! Even after eating a cupcake on Sunday and 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday. oops.

So friends, I am going to be continually praying for God to create in me a pure heart by steadfastly living my life with and for Him every day. May we all desire Christ more than anything else. :)