God's laughing at me

You know that saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?" Well, God is sitting up in heaven right now peeing his pants from laughing at me. I have often told God what I want and how I want it! HA! yeah right. So in high school my "plan" was to go to college and get my MRS. er I mean education degree, (at least one of those happened). The big almighty plan was to get married the summer I graduated from school, aka this summer, and my husband and I find jobs and move somewhere. Well, alas I don't have a rock on my finger, nor am I anywhere close. So after I decided that plan wasn't working I decided the new plan was to move to Orlando with Lindy and we both get teaching jobs and live together like we did this year. We'd meet new people, do fun stuff in a new place, and hopefully find a husband since that didn't work out in college so well. Well, as I mentioned in my last blog I applied for 40 some jobs in Orlando and hadn't heard from ANY of them, and still haven't. So that plan was quickly going by the wayside.

Onto Plan C. I had been thinking about moving back to Melbourne for a few weeks so I thought why not, might as well go for it, BUT I didn't tell Lindy I was even thinking about this because we had both told each other repeatedly over the year "We are not moving back to Melbourne. We will not stay in Gainesville. We will not live with our parents again." See this is where God is not just chuckling a little, but bending over from his side hurting and peeing himself laughing. Because guess where I am currently writing this post from? My bedroom at my parents house in Melbourne. ha! AND guess where Lindy is? Living in Gainesville! (Sidenote: SO happy for her too and Gods plans for her life, BUT SOOO sad we won't be in the same town anymore and living together.) We are both doing all the things we swore to ourselves we weren't going to do. You would think I would be quite depressed by this turn of events, but miraculously I'm not. God may be laughing, but he is changing my heart in the process. I am excited to be back in Melbourne, a little nervous, but still excited. I'm excited to possibly have a job at a school I said I would never work at. Everything I thought I didn't want is exactly what I do want now. God changed my plans and my heart without me even realizing it.

You would think that I would understand now that I shouldn't make plans, because my plans seem to be the wrong ones, but even today I caught myself saying "maybe I won't have to move out of my parents house because I'll start dating someone and we'll get married soon and then I'll just move in with him" (See how my mind works, always goes to the marriage point) Lindy quickly told me "don't count on that, because chances are that may not be God's plan right now." Don't you hate when you're best friend is right? I am not counting on this as a"plan" but it would be nice if it happened :) And as quickly as I am typing this I am forming new plans in my head. hahaha What can I say, I am a planner! lol I guess it's not bad to have plans, but we can't set ourselves up to be disappointed when they don't work out exactly how we want them to. So far not many of the plans I have ever planned have come to pass. And you know what? IT'S OK! One of my all time favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jesus promises us that he has good plans for us. I don't know them, but he does. I wouldn't have ever chosen to be almost 23, single, and living at home. No way Jose. But that's God's plan for my life right now and I want his plans for my life way more than I want my plans. I am making it my daily prayer for my heart to become more like Christ's and for his will to become my will. I want what he wants for me, not what I want for myself. So I think my next "plan" is just to enjoy life and wait on God's plans and his perfect timing :) Sounds perfect to me!

Life is moving toooo fast.

      Has it really been like 5 months since I have written on here? Life is CRAZY town right now! Most anybody who is reading this follows me on twitter or is a friend on Facebook so you know that last month(wow a month alreadyy??) I graduated with my Masters degree from UF. I was SO ready to be done! I cannot wait to get out of Gainesville and finally start my life! Most people are scared to leave college and be on there own, but heccck no! Get me out of here! I have felt for a few years now that college was just this limbo time where I didn't really know what I was doing with myself and now I'm out of college and guess what? Still don't know what I'm doing! Go figure! 

     Getting a degree in education is different than most other degrees because I can't look for a job directly after graduation. I won't be able to start working until August, and even then I have to find a job first! I am hoping to move to the Orlando area, so I have been looking for jobs in orange, lake, and seminole counties. These counties have just started posting their job openings online and I have applied for about 17 jobs so far. And now I'm playing the waiting game. This is the most anxious I have been in my entire life. I am a fairly patient and relaxed person. I don't freak out about a lot of things, but I am beginning to freak out a little. I am constantly quoting Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" as well as reminding myself of my favorite verse in Jeremiah that reassures me God has great plans for my life, plans to prosper me, and to give me a hope and a future. Thank you Jesus for being in control of my life and having great, amazing plans for my life! I know that God is going to take care of me so I don't need to worry, but it just horrible having to wait. And I just said I was patient..oops. lol

    The worst part is that I have to be out of my apartment by July 31st, but there is a very good possibility that I won't have a job by then. If that's the case I have to move everything home to Melbourne and then possibly move it all back to Orlando or wherever I end up. Of those 17 jobs I have applied for, I could not even hear back about any of them. I honestly don't know. The education department is a little, or a lot, silly sometimes and they have to post jobs online even if they already know who they are going to hire. So I could have applied for these jobs when they already have someone for the position. But I'm checking the websites daily and applying to any jobs that come up for K-2. I just have to have faith that I will find a job. I may not find a job until August, or until after school has started, but I know that I will find a job. Obviously I have incredible parents who won't let me be homeless if I don't find a job, but I just want it so badly!

     I have this whole summer off and I would LOVE to be planning for my classroom, but it's hard when I don't know the grade! I need to pick a theme and I want to make stuff on my cricut for my classroom. I am so excited to have my own classroom and it actually be my class, my kids, my rules. Not just me in someone else's room. Eeek! That will be staring my life. Moving to a new city, making new friends, finding a new church, making a difference every day in these kid's lives, falling in love, having babies.....and more babies :) I want it all and I just want it to start now! :) Done with limbo land! There with the patience again! I think I've been patient enough for almost 23 years. lol ;)

      Even though I am worried about all of this job stuff, God is still good all the time and all the time God is good! If I don't find a job, God is good. If I don't marry till I'm 30, God is good. If I can't have kids, God is good. My hope is not in these things and my life does not depend on them. I will never find fulfillment in my job, husband, or kids. I find fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy in Jesus and him alone. I am so thankful I can see this before I begin any of these journeys in life! I know it will be hard, but I will continue to humble myself before the Lord and put him first above all else in life. I am praying for each of you reading this right now, that you too would realize where your hope comes from and place everything in his hands. Let him carry your load, cast your anxieties on him, and find protection and peace in his embrace. Let him love you and enjoy being loved by him. He is the greatest abba father a person could ask for :) He wants a marriage from us, not a 30 minute date with him every Saturday. I am the first one to admit that I have been guilty of this. But it is time to be married to Jesus again. I must want him more than I wanted to graduate, more than I want to find a job, or get married, or have babies. I have said that to myself a thousand times, and you've probably read it on here a few times too ;) But I repeat it because it's so true and I forget it! Everyone needs a little reminding :) So with that being said, I am going to go spend some time with him and I urge you to do the same! Love ya'll!  

Convicted...again

So I woke up this morning and thought it was going to be a great day, but then I heard some news and BAM my jealous heart was at it again. I really wish I could control this thing, because I don't WANT to be jealous of people but it happens. It creeps into your mind and eats away at your mind and heart. I texted a friend and told her the news and I was sure she was going to respond with "oh yeah that sucks" and give me some pep talk to make me feel wonderful again. And at this point I wasn't even thinking about my heart. I just wanted someone to be on my side and basically to tell me it was okay to be jealous. Well, you know what she said..."Oh man. How is your heart?" Ouch. Thank Jesus for friends who are willing to be honest with me. I adore this girl and her precious heart and just a side note want to tell her thank you for spurring me in my relationship with the Lord today.

So, anyways I checked my heart and responded to her that yes my heart was jealous and I needed to spend some time with the Lord. She responded "that's a good idea. Jesus knows your heart. go talk to him." (she always knows what to say :) So this lead to my hour long quite time with the lord this morning. WHICH another incredible side not: at church on Sunday Pastor Robbie preached about prayer and how it can change your life. He encouraged everyone to start praying for an hour a day and literally cry out to God. At church, I thought "oh that's a nice idea, but I don't know if I can pray for an hour, maybe I'll try 30 minutes." Oh ye of little faith. Jesus knew what he was doing today when I got this news. He wants me to pray for an hour a day. I prayed for an hour today and could have kept going. It was so refreshing and just what I needed.. If I can watch t.v. or be on facebook for more than an hour, I can spend some time talking to my best friend for an hour, AT LEAST!

As I was praying Psalms 51:10 came into my mind. It says " Create in me a pure heart, O Lord and renew a steadfast spirit within me." How incredible is that verse. I have probably read it a hundred times it never really sunk in until today. Lord, give me a PURE heart. I want my heart to be wiped clean of this jealousy that consumes me. I want the lord to transform my heart and make it like his. I want him to take away the jealousy and in place of it fill me with compassion, forgiveness, acceptability, love, joy, kindness, faithfulness, peace, contentment, and generosity. I want to live, move, and breath for Christ. The second part of this verse also spoke to me today: renew a steadfast spirit within me. I have been in a valley for a while, not spending time with the Lord and feeling just drained. After my time with the lord today I saw what I have been missing out on. The Lord poured into me today and I know that if I keep doing this steadfastly I will feel that passion again. The same friend I spoke about earlier once told me "I want to desire Christ more than I desire marriage, more than I desire anything else in life and I am just not there yet." Well friend neither am I. I desire a lot of things more than I desire God right now. And this morning I got a little taste of how good it feels to desire God and it is WAY better than any other desire. I want to desire his word and his truth over anything else. I think I will get there, if I keep having more days like today.

The rough start of my morning turned my day into a GREAT day!! Not that this was a real trial or tribulation, but it was my own little hurdle and I think that God gives us these hurdles to jump over so we can draw closer to him on the other side. If your life is going perfect, you find that you need God less and less. And I don't ever want to need God less. So for now, I will rejoice in my sufferings because "my comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life." Not only did I spend time with my abba father, I got to lay by the pool, went to a ZUMBA class, which kicked my butt, and I went to my weight watchers meeting and guess what?? I love 2.4 pounds this week! woot woot! Even after eating a cupcake on Sunday and 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday. oops.

So friends, I am going to be continually praying for God to create in me a pure heart by steadfastly living my life with and for Him every day. May we all desire Christ more than anything else. :)

Tag, I'm it!

the rules: 

1. you must post the rules

2. post eleven facts about yourself on the blog post

3. answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post,

 and then create eleven new questions to as the people you've tagged

4. tag eleven people and link them on your post

5. let them know you've tagged them

11 FACTS ABOUT ME!

1. If you didn't know this already, I lived in Japan for 3 years! I'm a military kid :)

2. I have never had a boyfriend! I'm picky and am holding out for the right one ;)

3. I dye my hair and cut it often because I get bored.

4. I am currently doing Weight Watchers. I did it previously and lost 30 pounds, gained 20 back and am on it again! Down 1.6lbs this week! Slow and steady wins the race is what I keep telling myself! :)

5. Everyone knows this but I love to bake and want to open up a cupcake shop one day. CAN'T WAIT! It will be all pink and all girl.

6. DVR is my best friend.

7. My dream vacation is to go to Bora Bora or some exotic place and stay in one of these fabulous bungalows right in the ocean :) Perhaps my honeymoon? :)

8. My new obsession is making ribbon wreaths with my roomie!

9. I want to adopt a child from Africa one day! My family will look something like this :)

10. I am literally OBSESSED with anything yellow and grey! I have already picked out new bedding for my room in yellow and gray and found pictures to hang on the wall from etsy :)

11. I adore aprons and have 12 right now. If I see a cute one I can't not buy it. Its really an investment in my future because I plan to wear one every day when I work in my cupcake shop :) 

Questions from Megan:

1. how do you start your days?

Well this semester is quite lovely. I don't have class until 5pm, SO I set my alarm for 9:30 and eat breakfast and do my quite time first thing in the morning. Then my roomies and I go to the gym after that Monday-Thursday. 

2. whats your favorite movie of all time?

oh man, I can't pick one favorite, but one classic I LOVE is little rascals! 

3. name one thing you miss from the 90's.

Tamagotchis

4. if you won the lottery, whats the first thing you'd do with the money?

Pay off my student loans

5. if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

right now it would be Nashville, TN although I would really miss the beach! that's a tough one!

6. what do you want to be when you grow up?

Teacher, wife, mother

7. whats your biggest pet peeve?

When you're driving behind someone going slower and you go around them and then they speed up! hate that!!

8. whats your favorite time of the year? and why

Fall/Winter-love the cooler weather and the holidays!

9. who's the first person you call when you need to vent?

My bestie Lindy :) and I would text her because I don't like to talk on the phone that much :)

11. whats your favorite food?

ice cream and cupcakes...the 2 most important food groups ;)

Questions for my tags!

1.  If you could travel anywhere where would it be?

2. Whats your favorite nail polish color? :)

3. What would your dream job be?

4. What is your favorite bible verse?

5. One family memory from your childhood?

6. What's one thing you can't live without?

7. Who is the most inspiring person in your life?

8. What is one thing you wish you have but you don't?

9. What is something you would do if you weren't afraid to do it?

10. What is your biggest fear?

11. If you could pick a book to describe yourself what would it be and why?

My tags
Kristi @ A window to yours truly
Kyla @ Becoming founded in Love
Leah @ Fullness of Joy
Sarah @  The Mommy Diaries
Jenn @ On a path toward home

Out with the old, in with the new!

Well friends 2011 is over! This year has been good in some ways and not so good in other ways. It's been a year of growth and change. Let's see I went on my first date, graduated from college, started grad school, gained a few really good new friends, taught 1st grade full time, learned how to become more independent by supporting myself financially, and had lots of fun memories with amazing friends and family. But 2011 has also been a lackluster year. I didn't lose as much weight as I hoped and looking back I could just kick myself for wasting the whole year. I could have handled some situations differently, but that's part of what has made me grow. I didn't spend nearly enough time with Jeaus this year. All of my really good friends with the exception of one has gotten engaged this year. I could not be more happy for these wonderful friends but honestly it hurt a little more each time another one got engaged. So this year was not good for contentment. And before I hear a speech from any of you reading this I know my time will come and God is going to bring me the perfect man in his timing. Most days I am confident in that reassurance but it's quite difficult to stay joyfully happy when all your friends are getting married and are so happy.it's like I'm watching them all start their lives with their husbands while I sit around and have to be content just waiting to start mine. And it's not just my friends. My brother got married this year so now I am the only single one in the family. It makes me feel left out when I'm with all my family. I sit at my family gatherings and I see my brothers and my parents so happy and in love and I want someone to share life with like that. And I am realizing that this post is making me seem like a little selfish girl who is just jealous of people getting exactly what she wants. And that is exactly what it is and it's terrible. I am jealous of everyone who has a man and I hate that. God does not like a jealous heart. I don't normally have any real resolutions for the new year. I always just say to loae weight. But this year I have a few specific things I really need to change and I am really going to press on to reach these goals this year. Sooo in 2012 I am going to: -work on my jealous heart -spend an hour a day with God -lose 50 pounds -stick to my cash only budget system No resolutions about a man. It's not my timing it's God's and I won't be pursuing any boy. If he likes me than he wil Pursue me like a dying man pursuing water in a dessert :) So by the end of 2012 I could still be single, dating someone, engaged, or heck even married! We shall see what this year brings. For now I am focusing on me and God. We're running this race together and if this is he year he decides to give me a running partner then great, but if not that's okay too and I'm not going to be mad or discontent because of what others have. :) I am really excited to see what this year will bring :) oh and another resolution: blog more :) :)