I'm going to give a disclaimer that this may be a very long post today folks. I have been thinking about this blog for weeks and am finally getting around to finishing it. It may seem depressing, then upbeat, spastic, yet completely brilliant. haha I just heard the perfect word today and knew I needed to finish writing it! So here goes!
What am I missing about singleness? They say it's supposed to be the best time of your life. (I sure as heck don't know who this "they" is, but I don't think they were ever married) I mean Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that he wishes everyone could be single like him because we would all have more time to devote to the Lord than our spouses. I get that part, really I do. I only have to worry about me. I do what I want, I buy what I want, I go where I want. I also know that I probably have more time to spend serving the Lord than say a wife and mother of 4 kids. Do I use all of this free time for this purpose? No, but we'll get to that later. But then Paul goes on to say that "those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you of this." Paul, did you not have any troubles as a single? Seriously, I read that passage and think, wow so only married people have troubles Paul? I'm screwed then because Lord knows I've got some problems in my life! He says that a married woman's concerns are of pleasing her husband and an unmarried woman's concerns are of pleasing the Lord. This is the verse that really sticks out to me. I'm a nurturer. I like to take care of people and I can't wait one day to please my husband (in more ways than one ;) BUT for the time being I don't have a husband to take care of. So as Paul says my full attention should be on the Lord.
So I got to thinking. Is my full attention really on the Lord? Am I really concerned with pleasing the Lord? What should I be doing with my life right now that I can't do when I'm married? Why did Paul make such a big stink about being single and how great it was? What am I missing?!? Because being single has kind of sucked the past 25 years.
So while doing all this thinking, I heard 2 songs and 1 sermon that have just rocked my world and I think have answered my questions. The first song is Keep Making Me by Sidewalk Prophets. One part of this song says "Make me lonely so I can be yours, till I want no one more than you Lord. Cause in the darkness, I know you will hold me. Make me lonely." Wow oh wow. I've asked God for a lot of thing, but not once have I asked him to make me lonely. I have asked many times quiet the opposite. The Lord has a funny way of answering prayers sometimes. I realized all those lonely nights laying in bed or lonely nights watching TV, God has just been calling me. God wants me to want him. He wants to be all I need. He desires a deep, intimate relationship with him. He wants to pursue me. In him, there is no loneliness. In him we are complete and perfect and lacking nothing. In him we are satisfied. Which brings me to the 2nd song that in hearing I immediately googled the lyrics because they were so great! It's called Satisfied by About a Mile.
What am I missing about singleness? They say it's supposed to be the best time of your life. (I sure as heck don't know who this "they" is, but I don't think they were ever married) I mean Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that he wishes everyone could be single like him because we would all have more time to devote to the Lord than our spouses. I get that part, really I do. I only have to worry about me. I do what I want, I buy what I want, I go where I want. I also know that I probably have more time to spend serving the Lord than say a wife and mother of 4 kids. Do I use all of this free time for this purpose? No, but we'll get to that later. But then Paul goes on to say that "those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you of this." Paul, did you not have any troubles as a single? Seriously, I read that passage and think, wow so only married people have troubles Paul? I'm screwed then because Lord knows I've got some problems in my life! He says that a married woman's concerns are of pleasing her husband and an unmarried woman's concerns are of pleasing the Lord. This is the verse that really sticks out to me. I'm a nurturer. I like to take care of people and I can't wait one day to please my husband (in more ways than one ;) BUT for the time being I don't have a husband to take care of. So as Paul says my full attention should be on the Lord.
So I got to thinking. Is my full attention really on the Lord? Am I really concerned with pleasing the Lord? What should I be doing with my life right now that I can't do when I'm married? Why did Paul make such a big stink about being single and how great it was? What am I missing?!? Because being single has kind of sucked the past 25 years.
So while doing all this thinking, I heard 2 songs and 1 sermon that have just rocked my world and I think have answered my questions. The first song is Keep Making Me by Sidewalk Prophets. One part of this song says "Make me lonely so I can be yours, till I want no one more than you Lord. Cause in the darkness, I know you will hold me. Make me lonely." Wow oh wow. I've asked God for a lot of thing, but not once have I asked him to make me lonely. I have asked many times quiet the opposite. The Lord has a funny way of answering prayers sometimes. I realized all those lonely nights laying in bed or lonely nights watching TV, God has just been calling me. God wants me to want him. He wants to be all I need. He desires a deep, intimate relationship with him. He wants to pursue me. In him, there is no loneliness. In him we are complete and perfect and lacking nothing. In him we are satisfied. Which brings me to the 2nd song that in hearing I immediately googled the lyrics because they were so great! It's called Satisfied by About a Mile.
Through the struggles I face
When contentment starts to fade
Through the constant wondering
When my doubt is crippling
This will be my, this will be my prayer
I'm letting go of my fears
And believing that You're here
No matter what my future holds
You are God, You are in control
And this will be my, this will be my prayer
Let Your song be the song I sing
Through the blessings and burdens this life will bring
In You alone I'm satisfied
And all I need is Your sacrifice
I have more than I deserve
You gave me Your life
In You alone I'm satisfied
Another sucker punch to the heart. In HIM ALONE are we satisfied. No Job, money, power, husband, kids can satisfy us. It's an amazing concept really. We are all searching for something to make us whole and happy. We can look to everything else, but the one source of true and complete Joy. I wish we all could just get this through our heads! We don't need to look anywhere else! He is it! Abba father!
So in hearing these songs I was thinking about how to be completely satisfied in the Lord and once again what am I missing about singleness? How can I be more concerned with the lord affairs? I kept thinking that I need to do more. I need to serve more. I need to evangelize more. I need to love more. Sure all of those things are great and I should be doing them, but I realized it's not so much what I'm physically doing but more the condition of my heart. Am I satisfied completely in him? Am I so lonely that I run to him instead of online dating? Am I so lonely that I run to him instead of texting the guy I know I shouldn't? Do I want him more than I want a husband and kids? The answer to these questions is currently no. That needs to change.
So I listen to sermons on my way to work every morning. Today I started Pastor Mike's I Am series and boy am I glad I did! This sermon was from months ago, but it was exactly what I needed to hear today. The whole point of the message was this: What we mediate on is what we magnify, and what we magnify is what will control us. So basically whatever we focus on all the time will consume us and will take us away from Jesus. We need to mediate on Jesus so we can magnify HIM and let him be who consumes us. I mediate on so many things other than the Lord its ridiculous. My job is a big thing for me now, but something that I always mediate on is my singleness. Its constantly on the forefront of my mind. At night I check online dating sites to see if there is anyone out there. I lay in bed and think about the guy I was "talking to" a few weeks ago and how badly I want to just text him to see how he is. I'm always on the look out. I am always thinking, talking, searching, praying for this one thing. I meditate on how it will happen or when I'll get married. By meditating on this, I'm magnifying it and in turn letting it consume me.
Even before hearing this message, my dear roommate came to me with her own epiphany the other day that as much as we want to be pursued by a guy and we just want to to talk that guy, the Lord wants the same thing from us. As I lay in bed at night thinking about this guy and battling myself not to talk to him but so desperately wanting to, The Lord is battling for me and he so desperately wants to talk to me. So last night as I came SO close to texting that guy I just had this thought that I wish I was that desperate to talk to the Lord too. Then I heard this message today. I need to stop mediating on finding a man, I need to stop mediating on wanting to talk to this guy again, I need to stop letting this consume my thoughts. Because when we meditate on our storms, we magnify our storms. But when we mediate on Christ, we magnify Christ and those storms seem a lot less important because God is that much more real in my life. When I mediate on the "problem" of singleness in my life I only become drained and useless. If I would start meditating on things above, I would be uplifted and complete. So when I lay down at night I will stop meditating on this storm and set my eyes on Him. I know I WILL get married one day because The Lord will fulfill the desires of my heart. He gave me these desires to be a wife and a mother and I have no doubt he will give me those things. It will happen when The Lord wants it to happen. And until that time comes I am going to draw near to him. I am going to be satisfied in him first. If I can't be satisfied now, there is no way I can be satisfied when I'm married and more concerned about my husband and kids. So Lord, as difficult as this is to pray, keep making me lonely until you are all I need. Make me a woman after God's own heart. A woman who is so in love with you. A woman who is completely and utterly satisfied in her sweet and single life.
Even before hearing this message, my dear roommate came to me with her own epiphany the other day that as much as we want to be pursued by a guy and we just want to to talk that guy, the Lord wants the same thing from us. As I lay in bed at night thinking about this guy and battling myself not to talk to him but so desperately wanting to, The Lord is battling for me and he so desperately wants to talk to me. So last night as I came SO close to texting that guy I just had this thought that I wish I was that desperate to talk to the Lord too. Then I heard this message today. I need to stop mediating on finding a man, I need to stop mediating on wanting to talk to this guy again, I need to stop letting this consume my thoughts. Because when we meditate on our storms, we magnify our storms. But when we mediate on Christ, we magnify Christ and those storms seem a lot less important because God is that much more real in my life. When I mediate on the "problem" of singleness in my life I only become drained and useless. If I would start meditating on things above, I would be uplifted and complete. So when I lay down at night I will stop meditating on this storm and set my eyes on Him. I know I WILL get married one day because The Lord will fulfill the desires of my heart. He gave me these desires to be a wife and a mother and I have no doubt he will give me those things. It will happen when The Lord wants it to happen. And until that time comes I am going to draw near to him. I am going to be satisfied in him first. If I can't be satisfied now, there is no way I can be satisfied when I'm married and more concerned about my husband and kids. So Lord, as difficult as this is to pray, keep making me lonely until you are all I need. Make me a woman after God's own heart. A woman who is so in love with you. A woman who is completely and utterly satisfied in her sweet and single life.
