Dream Big

    It's been a while friends! I sorta forget about my lovely little blogging world! There is SO much I could talk about that has been on my mind lately, a lot I can't share, but I do want to share something really important!! It has been my DREAM  to open up a cupcake shop. It has always been in the back of my head as something I would do later when I'm married and have kids, because of course I'll have more time then (yeah right). In the beginning I just though oh that sounds fun but didn't really think it would happen. WELL, over thanksgiving my dad (who doesn't know I have this dream) says to me "why don't you just forget teaching and open up a cupcake shop?" I told him that I actually had always thought of that and that sounded wonderful to me. My mom says oh yeah I'll help you bake and your dad can run the business side of it! How perfect, right? So lately my mind has been wandering to this idea. When I can't sleep I think about the shop and I dream about names, colors, displays, cupcake flavors and frosting ideas, to-go containers, logos, and a website! I mean I could spend hours day dreaming about it. Well it just so happens that my home town of good ole Melbourne, FL doesn't have a single cupcake shop and I just think that our we need a great one! I have found the most perfect little shop that is probably completely out of my price range :( I still went ahead and e-mailed somebody about how much it was to lease the shop...still waiting on a response. It already has a cute little pink awning out front and is in a prime spot for people to visit!

      Now this dream is so great, and for how excited I am about it, I also get equally depressed about it and talk myself out of it. What do I know about running a business, I can't even manage my personal finances. I'd have to take out a business loan when I already have student loans, is that something a crazy person would do? How do I even write a business proposal to take to the bank to start the loan process or everything that goes along with it? What if I fail, what if I make no money and I wasted all my time, money, and energy? I also think about how I loveeeeee teaching. Okay well I should say I LOVE the kids, not the political crap that goes on outside of actually teaching. There is just SO much junk that goes on these days in the school system. EVERY teacher I meet or talk to tries to talk me out of being a teacher. That's really encouraging. But if I don't step up and teach these kids, who will? So I keep thinking that maybe I should take a step back from my dreams for now and teach for a couple years to save up to open the business, but it's hard when I am so excited about it! Yes I love my students and teaching but I also love baking and I would LOVE to be able to bake all day for a living and share my goodies with everyone. If you know me at all then you know how much I love to bake for people. I would have people over for dinner every day or give away baked goods every day to people. Baking and giving it away is my love language. (Hope my hubby will appreciate that :) )  And I selfishly want to be the first person to open up a cupcake shop in Melbourne :) I don't want to wait a few years and by then there will be like 3 open!

Decisions, decisions....All I know is it WILL happen one day. Whether it is next year or in 2 years look out for Jenn's Cupcake Corner (still working on names, let me know if you have any ideas!!) I will continue to be praying about it and seeing what doors God opens and I would love if you would join me in praying for direction, confidence, wisdom, and strength! I can't wait to share this exciting journey with all! It really is a sweet and single life (although these days the singleness isn't so sweet...but that's a whole other blog!) One day it will just be a sweet sweet life. :)

Am I really meant to do this?

     This week has been one of those weeks where I ask myself if teaching is really what I am called to do. I have never been so discouraged than I am now. The chapter that we are learning in math is extremely difficult and the students are not understanding the concept. I feel like a failure as a teacher because my students aren't getting it. I rack my head for different ways for them to get it, but nothing is working! You're gonna laugh when I tell you that we are trying to add 3 numbers, such as 7+3+4. Easy for us, very hard for first graders. And that is easy compared to doubles plus one/minus one facts! Ugh! I hate the mentioning of them! Of course math is the first thing we do of the day and it always just starts my day off on the wrong foot. I end up yelling at the kids, because when they don't understand something they sit there like they aren't supposed to be doing anything and either stare off into space or talk to the kids around them. I hate the teacher I become in the mornings. I have had more crying melt-downs this week than I have had all year, from the kids, not me. lol The kids are frustrated because they dont' understand, I am frustrated because they don't understand, I'm upset at myself because I think I am doing something wrong, and I am mad that the curriculum thinks the students need to learn this because it really isn't developmentally appropriate for 6 year olds! I basically just feel anger when I think about our math curriculum right now! Teaching children to add should not be this difficult! You think that it's so easy to teach math to 1st graders but it's extremely difficult to teach something that comes so natural to you. Adding 5+6 is natural and automatic for us, but for my babies it's a foreign concept they are learning.

    The lord is definitely testing my patience this semester. I was listening to the Steven Curtis Chapman song Do Everything on my way to school yesterday and it says in one part of the song "God made you to do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face." I was thinking about that as my day went along and when I became frustrated with my students I thought "would God be smiling if I yelled at them and was being mean just so they would listen or would he smile if I kept my calm and talked to them nicely but firmly." I think it's the latter. Sometimes there does require a certain amount of raising your voice to get students to listen, but I really want to be one of those teachers that doesn't have to raise her voice. I think you can train your students by using cues and other signals instead of yelling at them constantly. A lot of children hear yelling at home all the time and that's the last thing I want them to experience at school because they will just shut down when I yell at them. I am learning so much about behavioral management this semester and I can't wait to try them all out in my own classroom. Despite the fact that this week has me completely wore out and wondering if I can really do this for the rest of my life (well not my whole life because let's be honest, I want to be stay at home mom and housewife) I know that this is where I am supposed to be. The kids may get on my last nerve but I love those little rascals and I am going to be the teacher that bawls on the last day of class. I already don't know how I am going to say goodbye to them in a month. 


    Not much is going on in my life right now besides school. When I'm not at school I am home thinking about school, lesson planning, looking up ideas for school, baking for school, and doing homework for college( crap I JUST realized I have a discussions that's due tonight!!) I still manage to work in the nursery at my church and you would think that I am tired of being around kids after my long days at school, but somehow the nursery is my sanity. I spend my days with crazy 6 year olds and then get to snuggle with precious 1 year olds who I can tell all about how Jesus loves them.  It's refreshing :) I also enjoy working with this lady Janice on Wednesday nights. She is probably my mom's age and it's just nice to have older women to talk to sometimes. She is also a teacher so we have a lot to talk about :)  I am also learning a lot about myself lately. I realized after two intense conversations with good friends that I desire marriage way more than I desire God. I always knew this but never wanted to admit it really. But now that I have, I am trying my best to overcome this and make God my number 1 desire all the time. I want him to be enough. If I'm not content with only God now, I will never be content and getting married and having kids will never make me content. I can only be content in Christ. Some days it's hard but I take it day by day and pray every morning that God will be all I want and need today. Surely, but slowly I believe I will get there and truly see that I will be content with God and only him. I can say this over and over in my head and I know it makes sense, but there is a disconnect when actually living it and believing it. I have been so distracted lately with some things that happened back in January and I am praying and working on moving past those issues. I have spent a few days this week doing my quite times at my new favorite coffee/cupcake shop, Patticakes, this week and that has been really great. And I adore the cute little owner who was a teacher and is a christian! :) I am more than ever inspired to open and own a cupcake shop :) That's a whole different blog post thought :) 

     Well that's a little bit about what's going on in this little sweet and single life of mine :) I pray you are all doing wonderful! Remember I love you all, but someone else loves you way more! I hope whoever is reading this realizes that the stinkin creator of this universe made you wonderful and he loves you with an incredible everlasting love. You can never do anything to make him love you any more or less. His love is perfect, and all we need :) :) 

Love is the answer

So today my kids were crazy, wild, impatient, fighting, talkative, not listening, and downright bad BUT still they pull at my heart strings. Ever day it seems like my students are trying to marry me off. Today I heard "Ms. Fike you need to find a man, get married, and have kids so they can come to this school." They practically begged me today to get a husband. In fact the kids started chanting it at the lunchroom table. Where do 6 year olds come up with these things? And not one boy is chanting at me to get married, it's the 9 girls in the class. I guess it goes to show how early girls get the idea that when they grow up they have to find a man, get married, and have kids.  But one girl said "you can't get a man because then you'll leave me like everyone else does" Talk about heart breaking. I know that her mom and dad aren't together and I can only assume she has had some experience with men "taking" her mom away from her. I told this little girl that I wasn't going anywhere, man or not! She got the biggest smile on her face, hugged me and said ok. It really got me thinking about how much some of these kids just need to be loved on and sometimes that is more important than learning to add or read. Some of these kids go home to families that love them and encourage them, but others go home to broken families. These kids never hear their parent(s) say I love you, never get hugs, and are talked down to all the time. These poor kids would thrive if they were just given some love and support. It is SO SO SO important to take the time to show these kids that you respect them(so then they will respect you), tell them and show them that you love them enough to disciple them,and tell them that you will always love them no matter what happens, and that you believe in them. These kids think they can't do things and it is my job to show them they can because I believe in them and want to see them succeed.I wish I could just hug them and tell them all about Jesus and how much he loves them and that they can do "all things through Christ" Unfortunately I can't do this in public schools, BUT I can show them through my example. I can be a light to these kids with my actions and kind words even if I can't tell them directly about Jesus.

Life of a 1st grade teacher

To say that life is crazy right now would be an understatement.  I am working 40 hours a week and not getting paid for it (Internships are aweeessome). I am taking an online class. I work about 10 hours a week in the nursery at church. Yet with all of that, I am LOVING life. I wouldn't change a thing. As much as my 19 6-year-olds test my patience and make me want to pull my hair out, I love them all. They beg me to take them home with me, be their mom, tell me I'm the best teacher ever, and hug me non-stop. I love teaching them something new and seeing their improvements. I DON'T love all the unnecessary crap, and yes it is crap, that teachers have to do. Just let me teach. It is pretty ridiculous what they expect of teachers these days. I am learning a lot through my internship, but one of the the things I am almost sure of is that I don't want to teach in Gainesville. Alachua county has some interesting requirements for teachers that other counties do not have. But I may only get offered a job in Gainesville, which in that case I would take. But come April I will definitely be looking for jobs elsewhere :) I'm not thinking about that yet though because I can't even do anything until I graduate!

So teaching basically consumes my life right now. I come home and work on lesson plans, make smart-board lessons, or do homework for my class. Whenever I have free time on the weekends I am at the Gator football games or at church :) On my days off all I want to do is sit on my couch and relax! I am slowly gaining more energy though.  The first week of interning I went to bed by 8:45 every night! Now it's more like 9:30 ;) I also have a problem. I cannot sleep in anymore. On Saturdays I roll over to check the time on my phone and it's oh about 5:45 every time. I tell myself "you have got to be kidding me" So I toss around for a couple hours and am usually up by 7:30. It is really crappy. Oh well!! I usually get up and get stuff done around the house so I can relax later!

Another big thing that is happening in my life is weight watchers again! Round 2! I was trying to do it on my own, but it just wasn't working. I would lose like a pound here and then gain 3, lose .5...obviously not a good cycle. So I decided I needed more accountability and weight watchers worked well for me before so I was going to try again! I only got the online WW, so I don't go to meetings, but I do my own little weigh ins on Saturday's. I have been trying to work out more now that I am getting more energy and adjusting to my hours a little better. Now this will come as a real shocker to most of you, but I have actually gotten up at 5am and worked out before work. I know, mind-blowing. I am NOT a morning person AT ALL. When I wake up I don't want anyone talking to me for at least an hour! haha Seriously. BUT when you have to be bright and chipper with 6 year olds at 7:45 in the morning, you learn to become a morning person. So sometimes I just have to get the workout over in the morning. Hopefully I will stick to WW better this time because I am paying for it with my own money :) I also started reading this book called Made to Crave. It's about replacing your cravings for food with God. I am learning that I rely on food more than I rely on God. Food has been my comfort, joy, and reward. Instead of turning to food when I am stressed or sad, I should turn to God. Seems like a no-brainer, but sometime it really isn't. I never thought about it but the lady talks about how the devil uses food as a temptations for women. Look at the first sin, Eve ate what she wasn't supposed to eat. The devil used food to tempt her. He could have used anything else, but food is obviously something difficult for women. She could have had any other food she wanted in the garden but she wanted that apple. Sound like anything you've ever done? I want that chocolate chip cookie. It looks so good and I know it will just satisfy everything I am wanting right now. But clearly it is not good for me and the devil just twists my mind into thinking it will be okay if I eat it. The book suggests to pray whenever you have a craving for something you know you shouldn't eat. The other day I really wanted an Oreo. I had one on my desk during lunch and I sat and stared at it weighing my options to see if it was worth it or not. Finally I practically yelled at myself no and threw it in the trash! haha I threw it away and prayed for God to take away these cravings and prayed that I would crave to be with him more than I would crave that Oreo. It may seem silly to pray about not eating an Oreo, but it's sometime the little silly things that really work! Another thing I am learning from this book is to write scriptures on index cards and put them up all over my house and car and read them whenever I feel like giving in or giving up. One of my favorite is  "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." It really helps to quote this to yourself when you want what you know you shouldn't have. Sure I could have that Oreo and I could think of a way that it would be permissible, but would it really benefit me? Is it good for my body? Will it satisfy my hunger? No and No. So yeah, basically I am learning a lot :)

This turned out to be WAY longer than I thought it would be and my roomie just asked "are you still blogging over there" I think that means it is time to sign off :) I am now going to go to bed at 8:30 :) Maybe a 5am workout! :) Have a great week ya'll :)

Whirlwind

Hi friends, it's been a while! Life has just been a whirlwind right now! I was at home for a couple weeks for summer and then I celebrated my birthday (the big 22, not that exciting), came back to gainesville the day after my birthday, and started internship the day after that! I haven't stopped since! My first week was super exhausting, fun, stressful, exciting, made me want to not be a teacher, and made me want to be a teacher. Just about any emotion you can think of I probably felt this week. I was overwhelmed with the amount of stuff teachers have to do these days! I was kind of praying that I won't have to teach for too long because I just want to be a stay at home mom! haha Honestly it made me want to turn around and never look back. But, like most all teachers, you don't teach because of the money, the politics, the parents, and the rules. It's all because of the kids. And these kids need solid good teachers in their life, so I truck on for the kids! lol I started out in 2nd grade at Glen Springs Elementary School. I really enjoyed my teacher and the 2nd grade team, but I had to end up switching schools only after 3 days there. My teacher's mom is very sick and so she decided it would be best if she didn't have an intern this semester since she didn't know when she would or wouldn't be at school, and she really wasn't in the right mindset to be teaching me along with a class of kids. I completely understand and I told her she needed to do what was best for her mom and that her mom was way more important than me! She kept reassuring me that I was wonderful and she was very sad to see me go and that maybe this will actually work out better and I will have an even more amazing opportunity to work in another classroom. At the time I was kind of not that excited to start at another school, but I was trying to go into it with a positive attitude.

So now I am in a 1 st grade class at Chiles elementary and I LOVE it! I for sure know it is where I am supposed to be! My teacher is great and we get along so well! We had meet the teacher on Friday and our kids are just the sweetest! I love them already! I can't wait for this semester! It's exciting to wake up and want to go to work every morning. I know it is going to be a stressful semester and very trying, but I know I will learn a lot and gain experience for my own classroom! One of the best parts of this is my teacher is probably going to be leaving next year to go teach overseas, so I told her I would just take her job next year! :) She actually interned at the school, and a lot of other teachers at the school also interned there. So I think I am at a good place that will hopefully help me get a job when I graduate! :) I'm excited for this semester, and there may be weeks that I want to run away from teaching again, but no worries, I'll always run back :) My kids need me and I need them!

Project 31, I haven't forgotten about you! Today's goal is to encourage a friend and inspire her beauty. So today I had this ALLLL day leadership training at church and the wonderful Miss Kyla led one of our breakout sessions. So as I was sitting there listening to her talk, I was just thinking about how great she is! Her talk was about loving people, especially the kids, and she does a wonderful job of that. I mean during out 5 minute break today where was she found? In the nursery visiting the kids. You can just see the genuine care in her eyes and smile when she talks to the kids and loves on them. You know she's just one of "the good ones." I was actually asked to also speak at the training, but I politely refused because I just am NOT good at public speaking, but Kyla, she did a great job! And she nailed like everything I would have even said, and said it probably 100 times better than I would have. Not only does she love those children, she is a fabulous cook, she is artistic and can paint, sew, and make basically anything, she is a great friend, and she is absolutely beautiful. Kyla, like Miss Bonnie told us today, is a peculiar treasure, and this is a GREAT thing to be! She shines Jesus' love. She asked herself and us what our mission was today and hers is definitely loving children and showing them how special and valued they are to God. And like she said today, we don't need to be doing more of everything, we need to be doing more of this, more of what your mission is. I think you are doing that Kyla. You are not only loving the kids at church, but your mission is so much more now, with your class at school. From one child lover to another, I thank you, for sharing in my joy of pouring love onto kids. Thanks for just being you! :)

Summer is coming to an end

Summer is almost over, but it's really just starting for me! School is over for 2 weeks and I am back in Melbourne! woo! I planning on going to the beach a lot, sleeping in, hanging out with my family/friends, and unfortunately I have some homework thrown in there to do! I know, homework before classes even start. It's just wrong. And how did August just creep up on me like that? This summer has flown by and I'm sure the fall will too!

I'm sad summer is coming to an end, but you know what that means? FOOTB

ALL SEASON! I loveee football season! Time for tail

gating, orange and blue clothes, lemonades at the game, and dying in the heat with 90,000 of my closest friends to cheer on our boys!

I'm also excited for away games, because I have found some really cute recipes that are football themed! haha Yes, I do think about these

things. But aren't they so cute :) But I also love making the typical football food, ya know wings, cheese dips, pigs in a blanket, pizza, grilling out, etc. Football time is just great all around!

So today's Project 31 is to post an outfit picture! So in honor of football season soon arriving, I've chosen game-day attire! :) I love wearing dresses because it is so hot out there

and dresses are so cool and comfortable! So here is one of my favorites that I will be wearing very soon and I'm thinking maybe a blue ribbon belt with it too! Ohhhh or a blue flower in the hair would be presh! I'm feeling a new craft project coming on! Making blue/orange flowers for my hair/clothes! Michaels here I come!

Day 13

Day 13: Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

Hum, there's a lot I want to change, so here's a few things...

• my exercise habits
• my eating habits
• my motivation
• my discipline
• my confidence
• my self-control
• my jealousy
• my impatience
• my lack of contentment
• my worrying
• my fears

And the list could go ON and ON. I think everyone always feels like they need to change something. And I am a fan of change. well sometimes....other times not so much. Like friends moving away that I won't get to see every week. not a good change. but hair color change=good :) which I will be doing in a few weeks! gonna be a brownie again! And losing weight change would be fantastic. But some change is VERY hard to do. Changing your whole mentality of how you view something or someone=hard. I'm learning that only God can change you, because I just can't do it on my own. He has to transform our minds and the way they think. And it's not an overnight thing, unfortunately. I wish I could just wake up and be a size 6, not worry about my future, jump to do homework a week before it's due, or be content with everything I have in life and not want more. But it doesn't work that way. Change is hard. The process sucks, but the end result is worth it. So change is good, eventually :) So I'll leave you with this verse I read today in the Message that stuck with me. I don't know if it really has anything to do with change, maybe, but I really liked it :) Enjoy!

Lamentations 3:22-33

22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

^25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

^28-30When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

^31-33Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way: